Teasers
by MSonya
Summary: A collection of one-shots with varying themes that will not leave me alone while I write a full story. They have to go somewhere.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: So, yes, I should have been working on "Don't Say No" but I saw squirrels today and that's all I got to say about that! **_

Teaser

She watched the brunette from across the room, more intently then she should have but Maura couldn't stop. In a plain white t-shirt and boxers, with her long tresses gathered up and away from her nape, Jane dealt with the heat by pacing. The box fan pushed around warm air, its disinterest apparent. Maura eased further into the corner of the sofa. Each smooth line, every jutting bone demanded her attention but what really bothered Maura's equilibrium were the details. Droplets of sweat faltering over the flushed landscape of exposed skin was an inviting oasis for Maura's suddenly parched mouth. The elastic stretch of thigh muscles as Jane strode in front of the fan beseeched Maura to lightly bite down on them.

"I wish you'd sit down already." She didn't mean to sound so waspish, had really intended to inject a certain amount of sympathy into her tone.

"What's with you?" Evidently, Jane wasn't being agreeable either. Briefly she stopped pacing around long enough to stand directly in front of Maura.

The damp strands clinging to her neck…the dark outline of her nipples against the thin material…even the irritated scowl across her angular face…made Maura's insides twitch. Agitation fizzled along her skin, not unpleasant but rather exposed. Slowly it traveled downward. The sensation of its progress from one nerve to the other, how it leapt like miniscule sparks, fueled her eagerness.

Maura suddenly rose, the flash of irritation in verdant eyes not unnoticed by the other woman. Careful to keep her hands away from Jane, Maura nonetheless couldn't keep from gravitating toward her. The space between them almost crackled with temptation. It was insistent, damn near feral, how the muscles in her stomach contracted, how she was powerless to thwart the serpentine desire coiling within. Ridiculous, really, that it took so long for Maura to acknowledge her platonic feelings had been accompanied by more baser, sexual ones. Quickly she glanced at Jane and the slow roll descending from her lower abdomen brought with it a veritable wave of moisture between her clenched thighs.

"I'm…sorry. It's the heat, Jane." The answer wasn't entirely honest, of course, but it had enough truth to combat an onslaught of hives.

When she finally put some space between them, Maura's heartbeat stumbled. Jane's long fingers curled around her wrist, gently tugging her back within the brunette's proximity. Maura couldn't quite stifle a moan, unable to counteract the celerity of Jane's unexpected touch.

It was her husky voice that undid Maura. Feelings began to unfurl, disregarding any attempts Maura made to safely tuck them back in. Fatigue and the somnolent heat encouraged them to rise, to escape…to prompt action. Mentally she surrendered, no longer caring whether she made an ass out of herself by risking rejection. All the energy she had been burning to control her desire completely left her limbs. Like a receding tide, the rigidity left her and in its place a rush of bone-deep want overwhelmed her.

"Maura…" Her name on Jane's lips was raspy, confident.

Maura's eyes locked with Jane's.

Jane's grip tightened on her wrist. Slowly, her other hand ascended, fingertips brushing against the side of her throat, thumb skimming across her damp jawline. "You seem a little…tense." The observation held no amusement nor dramatic undertones.

Shifting toward Jane, the movement caused Maura a moment of aching sensitivity. The heat and dampness between her legs built upon itself. Private muscles spasmed and she was hard pressed not to capitulate to her body's urging.

Maura swallowed before responding, quickly licking her lower lip. Jane's eyes followed the motion then darted back to green ones. There was an infinitesimal change within the dark brown depths. Their seductive power was far greater than anything else Maura had come across before. They demanded and pleaded, waited and sought. She felt their intensity, was actually experiencing the first twinge of surrender under their tutelage. Everything was magnified. Each droplet of sweat was like a fingertip trailing down her skin and every breath a languid pull through her lungs. Caught in Jane's gaze, Maura moved a little closer, until their thighs grazed.

Whatever words she had thought to utter vanished, ensnared by the constriction in her throat. Deliberately Jane tugged Maura closer, their mouths no longer separated by more than an inch of space. Incapable of thought, Maura merely waited, breathless and anticipatory, hands at her sides. The shocking arc of arousal as their bodies melded when Jane pulled her close made Maura's eyelids droop.

"I can help with that."

Maura was vaguely aware of her head nodding. "If you think you can."

The brazen smile was gradual, not shy but thorough. It softened the fierceness of Jane's expression. Fingers released Maura's wrist and glided down her side to rest low on her hip. "I'm pretty skilled at this sort of thing."

Impatience crept into the hazy lassitude of Maura's arousal. Body humming and taut, she was in no mood to elongate the moment anymore. The fear of rejection had evaporated given Jane's overt interest. Maura, no longer content to be impassive, decided to vent the aggressive promptings which had gathered deep inside of her. Purposeful, she slid her open palms up the brunette's torso, pulling the shirt up and bunching it just beneath Jane's breasts. The slickness of her skin no longer soaked up by the material, Maura's hands moved with smooth strokes.

Jane's breathing became stilted. Inwardly Maura groaned when Jane's stomach muscles flexed. The need for control between them was rapidly disintegrating. Maura no longer cared. Before their lips ever touched, Maura's finger tips slid past the slack waistband of Jane's boxers. Jane's fingers instinctively clutched in blonde strands as her hips strained closer to those tempting fingers. Maura's entire body trembled, her fingers skimming over tight curls. The line of Jane's body was drawn tight. The point of no return was upon them and Maura found herself hesitating. She burrowed her face in the damp, flushed skin of Jane's neck but that too was a strong temptation. To garner some sort of control, Maura pressed her hand against Jane without travelling lower.

"_Oh, god…_" The moan barely departed her open mouth before she turned and touched her tongue to her friend's skin for the first time. The excitement cleaved through her like lightening, leaving a path of sensitivity so wide within Maura she bucked into Jane. Clamping her teeth down, trying so valiantly not to cause undue pain but knowing she was way past any sort of finesse, Maura grunted, her body surging. Jane, undone, did the only thing she could, the only thing her body wanted. She opened her thighs and grabbed the wrist that was in her boxers and unceremoniously yanked it down.

"_Fuuuuuck…_"

"_Yesss…"_

The silky wetness between her fingers wrought its own devastation. Maura, unable to withstand relentless swells of yearning, was dragged under. They sank to the couch, Jane half splayed over the cushions as Maura laid on top of her. Jane's ragged gasps fed the voracity of Maura's need. It was feverish and a little wanton, how their bodies accommodated each other. No longer cognizant of what she was doing, only knowing it had to be done, deeply and urgently, Maura plunged two fingers inside of Jane. Every fiber of her being was held in suspended awe. The tightness, the heat, the profundity of being encased within Jane's body stole every thought, every fortifying breath Maura possessed. Sweat lubricated their bodies as they slid along each other's surface in a disjointed rhythm.

Mouth open, teeth and tongue grazing every surface within distance, Maura sucked and bit, muffling her groans in damp places. Jane's hands were digging into her scalp and back, nails audaciously scoring flesh and Maura loved it, reveled in it. Jane's legs opened further, one heel dug into a cushion as the other foot anchored on the floor. The sensitivity was too much, a double edged sword wielding pain and stimulation. Maura arched her back, burying her fingers to the last knuckle then slowed things down.

Overly bright, Jane's eyes took on an obsidian gleam as they searched Maura's.

"Jane…" Maura slowly withdrew her fingers, teasing the hard clit and watching how Jane's pupils seemed to double in size.

Reacting, Jane arched her back, spread her legs. One hand released Maura around the waist and grasped the cushion. Maura's fingers circled, engorging the clit further as the lips swelled in greed.

"Maura…_please_…"

Something savage braided its along Maura's spine. She nipped Jane's chin then sucked on it, her tongue soothing and possessive as it wound its way toward Jane's mouth. Their harsh breathing filled the air. Blood pounded in their ears only to evacuate lower to infuse other, more needy parts. Jane straightened her spine, ducking her chin and suddenly, at long last, their lips were touching. Maura thrust her fingers inside Jane the second their tongues intertwined.


	2. Owning the Moment

_**Author's Note: This one is my attempt at angst. It was inspired by a song I heard recently and I obsessively listened to it. **_

Owning the Moment

The plane was scheduled to take off in four hours. Maura shook her head, surprised she could not make her hand pick up the last of her clothes and place them in the suitcase. She bit her bottom lip, mind totally blank. It was all so surreal. The open suitcase seemed to mock her. Just a visit, for a weekend, that's all it was supposed to be, all it could be. Maura frowned. Deliberately she packed the last piece of clothing and zipped up the bag with shaking fingers. Astonished, she stretched out her hand and became fascinated by the lack of motor control. She was unraveling.

"You ready?" Jane asked from the bedroom doorway. "Let me get that for you."

Maura was in no position to verbally respond. Her throat felt dry, tight. She kept swallowing but it didn't help. She nodded in what she hoped was a normal way because her muscles felt jerky, stiff. Jane smiled, grabbing the suitcase's handle. Maura watched it slide off the bed, mildly disturbed she felt so out of control. Jane looked back before crossing the threshold. Staring at the carpet, Maura felt heat invade her cheeks and ears.

"Thanks." Her response sounded hollow to her own ears.

She wondered if Jane noticed and risked a quick peek at the other woman. It was a mistake. Maura knew it, had tried to avoid it. Looking at Jane was like being branded and yet, she could not look away. A woman's face, chronicling triumph and heartache, wisdom and beauty, smiled at her with love. Inside something broke away and fluttered to the very bottom of Maura's stomach. Acceptance shone in Jane's dark eyes. Too much crumbled inside of her and Maura looked away, convinced Jane could see into her darkest depths. It was a weekend, just a weekend between friends. The breath left Maura. Tears gathered in the corners of her bright green eyes. She bit the inside of her mouth, moving away as if performing a final cursory check on the room. Everything had changed.

She was relatively certain she was thinking but about what proved to be elusive. There was a force building inside of her. She wanted to keep it there until sometime…some other place. Each step out of the room was like the tick of a clock. If Jane touched her, Maura worried she would shatter. Holding her breath, she forged ahead, careful to avoid even the suggestion of incidental contact.

Jane suddenly called out. "I had so much fun with you, Maura. Thanks for coming."

Maura stopped and slowly pivoted, yet another mistake in a long line of mistakes. They were facing each other on the stairs, Maura a few steps below. It was nearly impossible to meet those brown eyes because, she _felt it_, couldn't _help_ but _feel it_. Focusing on the a spot just past Jane's left temple, Maura struggled. All weekend she had managed to keep it together, had endured every innocent touch and look. She had accepted every friendly hug, be it quick or lengthy, desperately trying not to sink into them. Maura's heart jumped with each one. The husky laughter, late night talks, the swift routine they developed sharing a space…the images kept rolling over Maura…how Jane's back arched when she stretched…the damp scent of her in the early morning…the accidental glimpses of skin that gradually went from dark to shades lighter.

"I…had fun." It was lame, her response, but Maura didn't care, it was all she could muster. Anything more would have gutted her. The faint lowering of eyebrows disclosed Jane's confusion but she remained silent.

The ride to the airport was too tense, too quiet. Maura didn't care. She was almost free. Nothing was more urgent than leaving. The passing scenery was endlessly fascinating or, at least, that's what she hoped Jane thought as she kept her head turned to the window. It took only twenty minutes to reach the airport. Twenty minutes and, now that she arrived, so close to departing, Maura, perversely, so badly wanted to stay. She ordered her body to exit the car and felt nauseated.

"I'll check in." Maura said briskly and took her suitcase and left without breaking. She didn't look back. It was a calculated move to gain her some space, a few minutes to collect herself before the inevitable.

Maura stood at the counter, the compact bag at her feet as she waited. The line was moving too fast and not fast enough, a bewildering circumstance. Inside, she could feel the stitches of her mended heart begin to sever. The sensation of discovery, of acceptance kept rising. She wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously without knowing why. Strange, how she knew…_she knew_…something was going to change _everything_. When every reason had been explained away, when every excuse toppled against the truth, she was left with no other choice but acceptance. Because, for the very first time, Maura Isles was naked, lacking denial and self-delusion.

Whether she desired it or not, the moment was upon her. She hadn't escaped anything, merely moved the apodictic confrontation from a private to public venue. There was no more room to run. Regret for what was about to transpire was thick in her throat. Mechanically she answered the ticket agent's questions, handed over her bag. When there was nothing left to delay it, Maura expelled a breath, resigned herself to what was to come. She turned around and stepped aside.

People walked by, some quickly, others slowly but all of them passed between the two women. Jane was leaning against the car, arms crossed, a serious expression on her face. It sent a jolt through Maura and she stood still, unable to move. Sunshine bounced off ebony strands and olive skin. Jane looked achingly attractive. The sight of her pierced Maura's chest. It was amazing, how the mere glimpse of someone could so thoroughly decimate her.

Their eyes met. Jane straightened up, pushed her hands in the front pockets of her jeans. One by one, Maura's defenses fell, so simply, it was as if they had never existed. Jane shifted from one foot to the other, a swath of hair covered one side of her face. Maura's body surged, so attuned, achingly so, to any movement Jane made. Nothing mattered then, not the pain that was beginning to blossom deep in her chest, nor the uncontrollable trembling that overtook her muscles. Jane took a tentative step over the curb, her shoulders a little hunched forward. The vulnerability of her approach and confusion on her face stole Maura's breath. She longed to soothe the worried lines creasing Jane's skin, to gently tender an explanation that wouldn't hurt her.

There was a freedom, a joyous abandon in absolute disclosure. Maura's heart lifted, soared over the negative aspects of her circumstances. The weekend had been a confirmation, a litmus test and the paper turned a scarlet red. She needed to know, beyond all doubt, whether 'if' could possibly become 'when'. The answer wasn't a surprise, had never really been in doubt.

_It happened the other morning when the sun was rising over the treetops. They hadn't been to bed, had actually stayed up all night talking until their throats were raw. Maura's heart thumped against her ribs as Jane snuggled into a pillow and faced her. Maura could see the slivers of light brown around the black pupils of Jane's eyes. She felt so close, the intimacy of whispered hopes and dreams throughout the night giving her courage. The nameless yearning inside of her pleaded to be set free. Slowly, Maura's hand lifted. Her fingertips brushed aside a few tendrils of brunette hair curling at Jane's temple. Her reaction wasn't rushed, nor hesitant but completely natural: Jane gently clasped her friend's hand and removed it from her face. The absence of intensity, the complete lack of emotion on her face caused Maura's stomach to shrivel. Jane scooted back, then turned away, yawning, "I'm so sleepy." _

The weekend hadn't been about uncovering Jane's feelings; they were unequivocal. It had been for Maura to find acceptance, to embrace the truth, devoid of shame and self-loathing.

Maura's feet began to move, each step increasing with confidence. Now that the drain of deception had been relieved, she felt buoyant, despite or probably because of the steps she took toward and not away from Jane. Love flowed through her. Every crevice and crack filled with it. On the heels of such an incredible high, Maura sensed the incoming roll of devastation. But it hadn't reach her…not yet, no, because love was like a drug, inhibiting anything else. Someone lightly bumped into her shoulder but she didn't falter. The need, it was growing, to be within Jane's orbit. Her steps quickened until she came to an abrupt stop a few feet in front of Jane.

Maura, wordless, spoke with her eyes.


	3. Jealous

Jealousy

It was a bright summer day at the lake. Sunlight filtered through the whispering leaves of tall oak trees. The breeze was mild for July, offering a slight reprieve to sunburnt skin. Children tumbled down small grassy knolls as they chased bubbles and butterflies. Some of the adults and most of the older children were playing softball in the clearing with an assortment of impromptu bases. Maura leaned back against the rough bark, in the shade of a towering tree. Insects buzzed and clicked around her, randomly landing on her fair skin. She swatted them away but only with vague intent. Her green eyes narrowed behind black sunglasses as she spied Jane diving for a ball hit between third and second. The detective, lithe and athletic, caught the ball midair amid a shower of admiration. A faint smile curved Maura's lips but quickly vanished when a tall blonde jogged up to Jane and placed a hand down the brunette's back.

Kristin Loomis was beautiful, the classic west coast blonde with sky blue eyes. She was a new detective assigned to Vice who loved sports and drinking beer and many of the things Jane was interested in. It galled Maura. Watching her. With Jane. Something hot knotted in her stomach. Maura abruptly turned her face away when Kristin leaned in close. Jane didn't back away. For all the world, the two women appeared to have intimate knowledge of one another for their bodies naturally gravitated toward the other's. The heat in Maura's belly intensified, becoming a queasy gnarl.

"Hey, Maura, here you go." Frankie announced, proudly displaying a chilled bottle of wine.

Without the slightest hesitation, Maura plucked it from his grasp and held her other hand out.

Reluctantly, because he knew there was a reason behind the medical examiner's odd behavior, Frankie furnished the corkscrew. His dark brows, so like Jane's, slashed over his eyes as he looked at her.

"What?" Maura snapped and was immediately contrite. "I'm sorry, Frankie. I guess it's the heat."

He smiled like his sister, too, as he sat down next to her.

Maura busied herself with opening the wine bottle. Frankie produced a red plastic cup and handed it to her. His gaze seemed to be directed to the makeshift softball field.

"So, who's winning?"

She didn't answer right away, preferring to drink a large margin of fortifying wine first. "I wouldn't know."

Frankie grunted, then filled his own cup, making a face as the white wine hit his tongue. "I shoulda brought a beer over."

After a few minutes of silence, Maura ventured, a bit diffidently, "Kristen Loomis is very pretty."

"Yeah she is." Frankie agreed, watching his sister's best friend in a sideways glance. "She and Jane seem to be hitting it off, huh?"

Maura downed some more wine. It soothed the sawdust feeling in her throat. And it refreshed her taste buds. And it gave her a reason not to voice the sudden anger straining for release. When Frankie looked at her patiently, Maura swished the wine in her mouth then swallowed. "Yes."

"Ma told me she's coming to dinner tomorrow."

Everything inside her went white and still. The heaviness in her chest pressed down harder, exhausting her breath. More wine went down her throat.

"You need another bottle or what?" he joked, eyeing her with a mixture of kindness and concern.

"Yes, thank you, that would be lovely." She smiled at Frankie, pasting her best one on but knowing it wasn't enough to fool him.

Those eyes, so like Jane's, gazed into hers. Maura broke the contact and accidentally looked toward the field. Evidently the game was over. Kristen had her arm around Jane's shoulders, hugging her close.

"Are you going to get that wine, Frankie?" The words slipped past her lips like something bitter or sour. She turned away, yet again, and focused on the man scrambling up beside her.

"Not a problem. I'll be right back."

Maura's jaws ached. At any minute she was convinced the volcanic vomit would plot a course from her stomach to her mouth. For the first time in her life, she could not lay reason with words to explain her mood. Many explanations arose but none adequately fit. Maura shifted her body, curling a leg under her. Absently she waved away a small swarm of gnats, lost in her thoughts. Minutes passed, unheralded. When a shadow cast itself over her, Maura automatically looked up, assuming Frankie had arrived with the wine. Of course it wasn't him. A little askew, the medical examiner went to pour another glass only to find the bottle was empty. _Shit_.

"Hey, Maur."

"Hello, Jane." Maura pushed her sunglasses back into her hair.

"You remember Kristen?" Smiling Jane motioned toward the blonde, the dimple in her cheek deepening.

There were so many things Maura wanted to say. Each one clawed up her throat only to hit the back of her clenched teeth. She knew her smile was forced and her words trapped. Maura yearned to state clearly and concisely what was on her mind but nothing pragmatic came forth. A torrent jumble of feelings drowned her speech. Glancing into Jane's eyes, she saw the burgeoning concern in their brown depths. Panic began to nibble away at Maura.

She blurted, "Yes, yes, Kristen, hi." Maura smiled idiotically through the awkwardness. She stood, too rapidly, and dizziness assailed her.

Jane's hand shot out, the warm palm sliding against the medical examiner's arm, making Maura forget to breath. She felt it, couldn't help but feel it, that frisson of excitement along her skin. Whatever had been tight in Maura surrendered to the heat of Jane's innocent touch. Her body imperceptibly swayed closer to Jane's.

"Are you okay, Maur?" Jane asked then looked at the empty wine bottle on the ground. "Did you drink it all by yourself?" Her tone wasn't exactly disproving.

Maura straightened her spine and put more distance between them. "It's an excellent vintage." Jane swooped down and picked it up, then rolled her eyes. "2013. Jesus, Maur, it has a twist off cap!"

"Oh, Jane, don't be such a snob." Kristen cooed, her hand once again finding its way on a part of Jane's body. "Obviously Maura enjoyed it."

Maura tore her eyes away, tried to push down the roll of anger demanding to escape. The feelings converging upon her were alien and overwhelming. She felt like a fool but didn't know why. She especially longed to snatch Kristen's hand off of Jane's waist. A pain, mournful and keen, invaded her heart. There was so much yearning inside of her, Maura felt the tears prick her eyes.

"Hey!" Frankie said by way of greeting and thrust the new bottle of wine into Maura's hands. "Here yah go, Maur."

"I think I should take you home." Jane announced evenly, disengaging herself from Kristen's clasp.

Without protest, Maura allowed her best friend to take the bottle away.

"Kristen, I'll hit you up later, okay?"

The pain lanced her breastplate, its tip nicking her heart. Maura gave up, could no longer fight all that was inside her demanding to be set free. Kristen looked as if she wanted to protest.

Unable to withstand it any longer, Maura snapped, "You can leave, Kristen."

It was hard to tell, at first, who was the most shocked by the medical examiner's rude outburst. Maura clamped a belated hand over her mouth. Frankie muffled a laugh. Kristen frowned, looking every inch the injured party. As for Jane…she instantly recovered.

"I'm sorry, Kristen, she's—"

"Absolutely _not_ sorry." Maura finished, hard-edged and stubborn. "Just go." Green eyes crackled with imperial command.

"Maura, I'm pretty sure you don't—"

"Kristen, you're probably a very nice person but…right now….it's between Jane and I."

Jane rasped, "What's the matter with you, Maura?"

There was a line and Maura needed to choose her side. Cheeks aflame with the boldness of her choice, she didn't consider the consequences, only knew she had to answer. She closed the distance between them, steadily, neither requesting nor demanding. Simply, lightly her lips brushed against Jane's. She pulled back a little, green eyes locked with brown and whispered, "I'm jealous."


	4. Perception

Perception

Maura stared at the reflection in the restroom's mirror. Other women came and went, some glancing at her curiously while others kept their eyes averted. She heard the water splash in the sinks, the garbling of conversation, and, of course, the flushing of toilets. Metal stall doors opened and clanged shut. It could have been three minutes or an entire half hour she stood there, mind blank, transfixed by the green depths of her own eyes. To move meant peril, risking the tenuous control she still held. Carefully blank, her mind focused on the reflection. Nothing stayed with her, not the noises, the faint movement of air around her, or the silent spectacle she was making of herself.

Yet, her heart still found a way to pump blood, her lungs still partook of oxygen. The shock of it all was, inevitably, slinking off from whence it came. In its place, anger simmered, thawing the icy immobility encasing her body. Hairline fractures appeared and brought forth small wisps of hot temper. Maura became aware, felt each blink of her eyes, the rise and fall of her chest with every breath. Slowly, large pieces of her self returned and began forming the whole. A deep-seated pain rushed forth, the epoxy which prevented the parts from floating away.

Devoid of gesticulations and vocal tirades, Maura's turmoil was hardly detectable unless one knew her well. Many noticed her immobility but spent no time attempting to decipher it. Nothing indicated she was in a distressed state other than the eerie transfixion in front of the mirror. Strangers were content that altruistic measures above a fleeting sympathetic glance were misplaced. Indeed, it was hard to justify involving the police or restaurant personnel simply due to a woman's prerogative to 'collect oneself' in front of a mirror. A fundamental gesture or word seemed entirely too intrusive given Maura did not display the classic signs of an upset woman. They left her to own devices.

She inhaled a shuddering breath, the sound like a swimmer's gasp when breaking the water's surface. Gradually her features became more animate, muscles releasing tension. A small tear formed in the corner of her eye. Surprised, she smoothly brushed it away but another came to take its place and yet another until a rivulet traveled down her face. The ache in the back of her throat intensified. Life was coming back to her in a rush. Hurriedly she wiped her face and checked to make sure nothing was amiss. Constricted, her chest tried to fully expand but a deep breath was beyond her. She extended her arms, splayed her fingers on each hand and observed such an unlikely thing as temporal tremors.

There was no help for it. Maura's shoulders sagged under the weight of all that had transpired. She looked at her watch and grimaced. Gone no longer than fifteen minutes, she was bitterly disappointed Jane hadn't come to search for her but when she thought about how that particular scene would unfold, Maura exhaled with relief. The last thing she wanted was Jane's pity.

"Are you alright?"

The sink was suddenly mesmerizing, its black shiny surface beaded with water. Maura did not look up. "Yes, Jane, of course. My stomach is upset."

"Oh, sweetie, you don't have to stay, if you don't feel well." Jane cooed, rubbing a palm down Maura's back. "Mitch will understand. We'll all go out another time okay?"

The mention of his name created a swell of nausea to roll in her stomach. Maura leaned forward, away from her best friend's touch and grabbed the counter, locking her elbows. She concentrated on the burnished gold faucet.

Concerned, Jane drew near and turned Maura away from the sink to face her. Gently she lifted the damp tendrils from Maura's temples. "C'mon, Maur, I'm taking you home." Warm and soft, Jane's hands clasped Maura's bare upper arms. She sunk into the loose embrace, quite unaware

She should have protested, vigorously, but, her need far outweighed her want. Without directly looking at her friend or saying anything, Maura yielded and felt the sting of self-loathing. Jane offered solace and safety, branches the drowning Maura wanted to grab with both hands. Nothing else mattered, especially her flailing sense of self-preservation.

Walking to the table with Jane's hand protectively grasping her elbow, Maura steadily looked straight ahead, dreading each step that brought her closer to Mitch. Yet, she managed, rather gracefully, to act as if nothing strange had just occurred. For excusing herself in the middle of dinner was a strange thing for Maura to do. As close as Jane was to her, however,Jane hadn't sensed anything wrong other than the information Maura provided. It nettled her that her friend could be led so easily astray even though it was in Maura's best interest that she had been. The feelings and thoughts swirled in her head like a corpulent whirlwind. Nothing settled, leaving her adrift in confusion. Suddenly, it seemed, her life had become more abstract and less objective.

Maura sought out his face, finally. To avoid it would show a weakness she wasn't prepared to reveal. So she did what she could, what she thought she must and met his eyes. _Did her distaste show? Could he see her resentment? Did he know?_ The questions bumped up against one another, rattling Maura's nerves. His smile was genuine, friendly. She understood why Jane liked him. In a way, Maura liked him as well. It would have been so much easier had Mitch been a jackass.

"Maura's not feeling well. I'm gonna drive her home in her car." Jane spared a charitable glance in her friend's direction, then smiled widely at her boyfriend. "Mind following us?"

"Jane." Maura's voice came out scratchy. She cleared her throat. "I think I can manage. In fact, I know I can. Please, both of you, finish dinner."

Mitch stood, consideration softening his chiseled features. "You look a little pale, Maura. We really don't mind."

It was the 'we' that reinforced Maura's decision to leave alone. The casual use of the pronoun emphasized the exclusivity it inferred. Her stomach lurched sideways. When Jane's smile conveyed an easy intimacy, Maura bit down on the inside of her cheek.

Cold sweat broke out on her forehead. "Honestly, please stay. I'll text you when I get home, Jane."

Maura's insides felt as if they were congealing with each second it took for Jane to respond. The pressure mounted. A droplet of perspiration skidded down Maura's neck. Jane's eyes narrowed slightly.

"You'll text me as soon as you walk through the door?"

Gratitude didn't rush in, magically untangling Maura's entrails because Jane decided to acquiesce. If anything, her best friend's genial attitude was like a slow-motion punch to the midsection. In conflict, her feelings played a game of tug-o-war. She averted her eyes, least she telegraph what she wished to remain hidden. The need to vent burned in her chest. Frantically Maura stuffed it back into the shadows since it was neither the time nor place for such a display. Still, it clung to her, this need like a hundred centipede legs skittering across a glossy leaf.

Maura stared down at the parquet floor. "Yes. Of course." Her voice was gruff.

"Alright, Maur, be careful, sweetie."

All she had to do was turn away and walk off. People accomplished it every day Rooted to the spot, Maura helplessly kept her eyes lowered and wondered what the next few minutes would bring. _Move, leave before it's too late…_

Jane edged nearer, peering at her best friend as if nothing else mattered. When Maura looked up, unable to bear the silence any longer, she regretted it because warm, brown eyes regarded her with gentle concern. Maura was lost. Despite her very best intentions, despite how deeply she loved Jane, she could not walk away. Without making a cognizant decision, Maura released all pretense. Exposed and slightly defeated, she thought the words she might have said.

"Oh, Maura." Jane's low murmur was rift with pity.

Mitch stood up, caught between the impulses to help and to bail. Clearly, a mysterious riptide was sucking the pleasure out of dinner. He looked at Jane, question marks popping in his eyes like bubbles.

"We need a minute." Jane smiled with reassurance then solicitously took hold of Maura's elbow. "Maura, sweetie, come with me, okay?"

The low, compassionate tones emitting from Jane's mouth should have put Maura at ease. They were off-target. Instead of empathy, Maura found an arrogant assumption hidden in the words. Self-righteous anger sprouted, weed-like. She pressed a hand against her stomach as Jane silently escorted her out of the restaurant. The cool night air reduced the heat in Maura's skin. With a moist palm she rubbed her forehead as they walked around the building. Jane slowed her steps when they reached the edge of light cast from the overhead streetlamp.

"Take some deep breaths."

"I'm fine, Jane. Please, just let me—"

"Sweetie—"

"Will you _please_ _stop_ calling me that?!" The anger in Maura's voice took Jane by surprise.

"Maura—"

Clenching her fists, Maura vehemently whispered, "Why didn't you just let me go when I wanted to?"

"You're not in any condition—"

Maura folded her arms across her chest. "You don't get to make that decision, Jane." The words were a chilly warning, delivered without hesitation.

"I know you're hurting—"

"_Hurting_?" Maura bit off the word, making it sound like an accusation. "Tell me, Jane, how do you come by that particular assessment?"

Frowning, Jane took a step closer to her best friend. "You want me to say it, Maura, fine…" She paused, as if giving the other woman an opportunity to retract the question. When Maura thrust out her chin, Jane sneered, "We had sex, _one night_, and I'm getting pretty tired of you walking around like a victim because I didn't—"

"Victim?! _Victim?!_" Maura lowered her voice then took aim. With admirable marksmanship, she hit her target when she said, "You act as if you didn't _love_ what I did to you. We both know _you begged for it…repeatedly_."

Jane raked her hand through the tangled swath of hair that had fallen over one eye. The smile she dispensed was cruel. "And yet, it was only that one night." She cocked her head slightly to the side. "Why do you think that is, Maura?"

Every truth was customized through the eyes of the viewer. Past experience, logic, and emotion were a few filters that sieved it, passing along parts while withholding others. In the end, what the viewer believed was the only truth. With a scientist's impartiality, Maura applied the Scientific Method to Jane's challenge. Her brain clicked and hummed, rifling through the obvious but when the obvious was dealt with, an upsurge of emotion abruptly blocked the path.

Lacking heat, Maura's rejoinder was no less evocative as she stepped into the other woman's space. "You couldn't get enough. We were up all night." The memories flooded Maura's consciousness. Her body began to tingle. The last thing Maura wanted was for her body to reawaken. Ruthlessly, she ignored it and shortened the space between them once again. Dark eyes glittered back at her. "And you _ran out_ the morning after like some silly sorority girl." Maura's need to make her point was great. She leaned forward, outraged and dismissive, her nose mere inches away from Jane's. Her voice was soft, low, almost seductive. "You ran into the closet and locked the door behind you. You're a coward."

Jane gritted her teeth and lurched away, arms akimbo. "That is such _bullshit_, Maura. You're so fucking _diluted_!" Rising, her tone was harsh as she paced a few feet away. "Here's the truth—and I want you to really pay attention!" Jane faced her, eyes crackling with anger, jaw set. She emphasized each word by pointing her finger at her best friend. "I gave it a shot and threw myself into it…it was great sex…some of the best I've ever had but…and this is the part you need to focus on, Maura…" Jane squared her shoulders, apparently gathering the 'right' words.

Maura saw the destination, anticipated the impact but…despite bracing herself, her body betrayed her and began trembling uncontrollably.

"…you could have been _anyone_…understand?"

She was convinced her face remained impassive because she felt her insides set like concrete. Perhaps it was shock, despite knowing the gist of what Jane was going to say. Whatever paralyzed her, the seconds expired, a countdown of sorts, an intermezzo between instrumental and aria.

Jane was breathing rapidly, frustration plain on her face. She inhaled deeply and held it, eyes fluttering closed. Maura watched, sensing a fissure developing somewhere beneath her heart. Once it began, it gained momentum. Panic began to erupt within Maura, a deluge of conflicting feelings breaking out of her control. Jane expelled her breath, opening her eyes. Maura saw the regret and commiseration. It was enough to galvanize her into action before she exploded.

"Thank you for finally saying it out loud." She moved to walk away.

"Maura!" Jane grabbed Maura's arm then quickly released it when she saw the expression on her friend's face. She wrung her hands. "Please, _please_…you're my best friend. I can't…" Jane stopped, a teary gasp leaving her mouth. Placing a hand over her mouth, she closed her eyes, brows furrowed in pain. "I can't lose that, Maur."

It sprang to her mind without premeditation and fell from her lips empty of feeling. She looked directly into her friend's anguished eyes. "I could have been anybody, Jane."


	5. Perception-Part Two

_**Author's Note: Because the first one was so brutal…and I have a soft spot. **_

Perception

Part Two

Jane couldn't blink as the air around them compressed. Maura's beautiful green eyes, once so vibrant, were flat, staring into hers with cool indifference. Despair weakened her limbs, quickly followed by a wave of resentment. For Maura to have a problem months after the fact, especially after they had reached an agreement, set Jane's temper on edge.

"How fucking _convenient_ to make me the bad guy!" Jane hissed, the words cutting through the thick barrier between them like a volcanic flue.

Maura's eyes narrowed, the skin around her mouth losing its elasticity.

Jane drew closer, embolden by the loss of control. "You _agreed_—_you insisted_, god damnit." So near she could feel the short puffs of breath against her face that emanated from Maura's flaring nostrils, heedlessly Jane kept advancing. Maura stepped back until her shoulder blades scraped against rough brick. "Answer me this…" Jane's manner was insolent. "…what changed, Maura? Why can't you just be my friend?"

A pedestrian strolled by, head bent down but eyes sliding toward them with curiosity. When his steps slowed, Jane whirled to face him and harshly told him to keep moving. The moment broke some of her momentum. She raked fingers through her long curls, taking a few fortifying inhalations. Maura took the opportunity to lean against the wall more comfortably, crossing her arms.

"You treated me like a one night stand. The next morning you crawled out of bed—_no! No!_ You do _not_ get to walk away, Jane."

Before Jane could respond, a familiar voice said, "Is everything alright?"

Neither woman had heard Mitch approach.

Agitation etched hard lines in Jane's face. "Yes." She cleared the huskiness from her throat. "We're fine."

He peered at Maura, the pity in his eyes like a drill to her exposed nerves. Whatever he heard was unimportant. She looked from him to Jane. The spot she occupied in Jane's life just shriveled. A bone deep sadness robbed her of fire. Escape was the only thing left to her.

She managed to utter a hasty "Actually, I was just leaving."

"Maura." Her name falling so empathetically from his lips was enough to galvanize her into action. Without deigning to acknowledge him, Maura simply pushed off the wall and began walking away.

It would have been so much better had Mitch allowed it.

"Maura, please stay. I know Jane wants you to. We both do."

Good intentions never harmed a situation more.

Abruptly Maura turned back, strands of honey colored hair whipping across her face before gently settling. "We? _We?!_ Rather presumptuous considering you're nothing more than a vibrator, don't you think?"

"You're hurt, Maura. I get that. I do."

Jane, frowning heavily, grabbed her date's wrist. The look she gave him wasn't one of encouragement. Fraught with underlining resentment and bitterness, the mood was morphing into a realm no one wanted to visit, least of all Jane. Mitch covered Jane's hand with his own, to inspire trust or convey empathy, she couldn't tell. What he did next, however, left little to be imagined.

"Maura, I couldn't help but overhear." He smiled and took a step closer, releasing Jane's hand. "And you're…jealous. It's perfectly norm—"

"Mitch." Jane warned. "Don't."

He looked back at her with affection, the genuine wish to help clearly imprinted upon his face.

"Oh, please do." Maura's eyes shone brightly, shards of malice enhancing the green. "Your insights are quite entertaining. Did you double in pop psychology when you received your automobile salesmanship certificate?"

"Maura, damnit, just stop it!" Hardly pausing, Jane turned on her date. "And you, Mitch, just _leave it_. You don't know—"

Smiling at Jane, he nonetheless interrupted her. "Look, I have a gay cousin so I have some experience with this, baby."

Fury stormed across Maura's features. Jane wasn't fast enough to prevent the other woman from slashing the distance between her and Mitch. "Are you presuming to be some expert on homosexuality? You're a…car salesman, aren't you?" Maura pitched her head slightly to the left, as if considering the man before her. "You sell overpriced trophies to wealthy, egocentric men, Mitch. I don't believe that qualifies you to give unsolicited advice about _my life_ even if your cousin is a homosexual."

Jane muttered, "Jesus, Maura."

Chagrined, Mitch didn't immediately respond. He held his palms up, a placating gesture that merely pissed Maura off more. Although he was an innocent bystander, it didn't prevent Maura from targeting him.

"No, Jane, I'd love to know what makes your boyfriend think he has something of value to offer."

"Maura! _Stop_." Jane snapped, tugging at Mitch's arm to pull him away. "Mitch, please, just go home."

He made the mistake of brushing her off, returning to face Maura. "Listen, we've all been where you are."

"Honestly, Jane, _please_ tell me his dick is bigger than his IQ. Otherwise I cannot fathom what is so attractive about him."

"Damnit, Mitch!" Jane barked, forcibly wedging herself between the two. "Just go. I'll handle it."

He ignored her then gently grabbed her by the arms. Before he could do anything else, Maura acted. She shoved him back. "Get your fucking hands off her."

Jane reacted without thought and pushed Mitch backward, throwing a harsh warning over her shoulder at Maura. Fingers pressed into his chest, she easily held him immobile. "I'm not going to tell you again, Mitch."

Having never heard the detective's voice infused with such authority, Mitch was rather taken aback. He looked down at the woman he had tried so hard to get to know. Something heavy and poignant sank into his chest. It suddenly occurred to him that the woman, hand resting against his chest and staring at him with intense brown eyes, was still only a beautiful stranger.

"Okay, Jane." Lightly he brushed his lips against her temple, ran his fingers down her arm. "Let me know when you get home safe?"

She made a noncommittal sound, fleeting and devoid of strength. Mitch maintained his nice smile on his pleasant face, acting as if nothing had changed when, incredibly, everything had. An invisible door shut him out and, although he'd love to blame Maura, Jane was the one telling him to leave.

Alone once again, save for one or two people scurrying by, Maura and Jane couldn't look at one another, not right off. Maura hugged herself, facing the street as she watched the red taillights of a passing vehicle fade into the darkness. The sidewalk was of exceptional interest to Jane. She jammed her hands to the limit of her pockets, locking her elbows. Gradually Jane migrated closer to Maura until she stood in front of her.

"What's this all about, Maur?"

Shaking her head with her face turned away was the only answer Maura could give. Humiliation stepped in, pushing aside the anger and torment. Partially deflated, she turned away from the only person she desperately wanted to turn toward.

Jane tilted forward, her fingers hesitantly reaching out. The tips ghosted over Maura's forearm. As if stung, she pulled away.

"I can't be around you anymore."

The murmured disclosure was like an expertly thrust epee into Jane's heart, piercing her skin so rapidly she wouldn't know the extent of the damage until it was pulled out.

"But you're…Maura…you're my family."

"Then you should understand why."

Tears glistened in Jane's eyes, pooled then slid down her cheeks. She pleaded, voice rough with emotion, "You don't mean this."

"What do you want from me?!" Maura cried, swinging around, her eyes ablaze with rage and grief. She invaded Jane's personal space, grabbing her shoulders. "Why? Just tell me the damn truth, Jane. Why did you sleep with me?"

Jane's mouth opened then closed but no sound came out. Pent up energy forced her to break Maura's hold and begin to pace. She flicked her wrists, clenched and unclenched her fingers but nothing soothed the tempest raging within her. Her mind was a blank. A thoughtful and kind answer eluded her. The tension built inside, rolling toward her like an endless line of foot soldiers. Maura's question echoed, ricocheting until she could no longer find her way back to calm.

Out of frustration, Jane hissed, "What does it matter!? _It's done, over, finished_. You said—_you promised _—that we'd be friends, that it was a little experiment that got out of hand one night!"

Maura's fingers dug painfully into Jane's skin as she once again grabbed her. "Once, maybe twice would be 'an experiment', Jane. We had sex _multiple_ times that night. " Pulling the brunette in closer, Maura whispered in a low, seductive voice, "And you didn't stop, did you? And you sure as hell didn't want me to stop either. Until it hurt more than it felt good…and even then, Jane, you wanted more."

Tears spilled out of anguished brown eyes, spiking her eyelashes and , dripping off the high cheekbones.

"I am so tired of being logical. You don't make me feel logical." The words were whispered almost tenderly. "I don't want to be noble. I don't want to be understanding. Right now, Jane…right now…" Maura's fulgent eyes looked like polished emeralds as they searched Jane's with reckless entreaty. "…I want to..." Tapering off, Maura struggled to find the words, to find the one thing that might convince Jane how tenuous their relationship had become. She briefly closed her eyes, gathering strength. When she felt calmer, she looked into Jane's tear-filled eyes. "You...you're all I want. I just want you, Jane."

By degrees, the comprehension sank into Jane. Fresh tears ran down her face. Awkwardly she wiped them away by pressing her fingertips beneath her eyes yet they continued to fall. Shattered, Jane swayed a little.

Anger contorted Maura's face. Her fingers clutched at Jane's shoulders. "Don't be a coward now, Jane. Say it! _You have to say it_!"

"_Say what?_ What do you want me to say, Maura?"

They faced one another under the yellowish glow of the streetlamp, neither woman concerned with gawking bystanders at this point. Voices husky with unbridled emotion, rising and falling with each swell, their words were like weary travelers on an endless journey.

"The truth." Maura nearly sobbed, her chin raised. Tears soaked her face. "I need to hear it."


	6. Perception-Part Three

Perception

Part Three

Jane, drained and confused, did the only thing that felt right. Gently, she coaxed Maura into an embrace, bending slightly to accommodate her friend's smaller frame. At first, Maura didn't respond, merely stood within the pliant, warm circle of Jane's arms. Part of her experienced a profound affinity, a homecoming that was so strong she wondered how Jane didn't feel it too. Perhaps, she did, after a fashion. The other part of Maura stiffened with rebellion. She'd rather endure Jane's contempt than her pity. Despite her lack of response, Maura didn't presently disallow Jane's proximity.

"We'll figure this out, Maur. I promise."

It was the wrong and right thing to say, compelling Maura to turn aside, ending physical contact. The use of 'we' carried so many implications. Maura's greedy heart kept grasping at the elusive 'we', the compilation, the 'lifetime we'.

"No, Jane, I'll figure it out."

"What do you mean? Don't I have a say in this?"

Maura grunted, crossing her arms. "You think…" She began angrily but modulated her tone because the next words she was about to say were important. Maura wanted Jane to understand her words, not react to her hurt. Deeply she inhaled and held it. When she felt the tension ease, Maura gradually allowed her lungs to empty. "This isn't your problem to solve, Jane."

Jane's brows slashed downward, communicating displeasure. "It's about me, isn't it?"

"No!" Maura replied harshly. "It's about _my_ _feelings_, Jane."

"But your feelings are for _me_, damnit, Maura!" Jane grabbed Maura by the arm and yanked her closer, eyes glittering with suppressed anxiety. "I'm sorry! I should never have—"

Maura wrenched her arm free. "And that's the difference between us, Jane. I'm _not_ sorry." Trembling, she nevertheless allowed everything she felt to transform her face. "And I'm glad-_glad_ I had sex with you. It was…it was the closest I ever felt to another human being." Her revelation gained momentum and the words began tumbling out of their own accord. "You made me _ache_, Jane, until I thought I was going to break." Something of that night appeared across Maura's face. "Then you satisfied it…filled it. I don't know how to come back from that."

Jane whispered, "It was just sex, Maura. Our friendship—"

"Just sex?" Maura's question was wrapped in layers of misery, anger, and bitterness. "It may have been for you—"

"Did you fall in love with me, Maura? Is that what you're trying to say?" It was clear from the scorn in Jane's tone she didn't want to hear anything else. "Or maybe you just want to fuck some more?"

Maura didn't flinch but that was more due to shock than testimony to her control. A curious lack of sensation invaded her. Her green eyes latched onto Jane's face. Minutes scratched by, the air turning thick like smog during rush-hour, clogging their throats. Jane was swallowing, turmoil and denial expressed by her features. Maura idly regarded the subtle changes which shaped the landscape of Jane's profile. The vulnerability around her eyes and the willful bent of her mouth had once elicited protective instincts within Maura. Now, she could only marvel at her lack of response. She harbored a suspicion that her psyche was purely delaying the inexorable consequence of emotional amputation so that she may continue to stand, dry-eyed and breathing. For what, Maura couldn't fathom. Of their own volition , her eyes flicked upward and met vivid dark ones and like a pretty butterfly pinned to a piece of cardboard, she was ensnared. An invisible thread snapped somewhere in the back of her mind.

Jane exhaled then cautiously approached Maura. Her hands, gentle and soft, lightly clasped Maura's arms. "Are you in love with me, Maura?"

"We're done here." She hadn't planned on making such a statement but once uttered, it felt true.

"No, Maura, you are not doing this! Not this time." Jane barked. "You can't just decide to take off because it's hard."

Maura shrugged then turned away, intent upon departure but Jane jerked her back, pushing her up against the wall. "Don't think for one second I don't know what you're trying to do, Maura." Jane's words were like tiny icicles piercing Maura's defenses. "That night…it was _incredible_." Black locks fell against Maura's cheek as Jane leaned in further, her lips brushing against Maura's ear. "I can still feel you inside of me."

Maura turned her head away, hating the muted groan humming past her compressed lips. Memories assailed her, of taste and texture and clamping muscles. She tried to squirm out of Jane's hands but they held fast. The heat emanating from her body, the smell of her shot through Maura like fireworks, awakening every nerve. Unlike that night, however, self-hatred accompanied the passion. Even as excitement rushed between her legs, a voice inside her head whispered taunts.

"Don't." It was a cry, a plea falling from Maura's lips. No matter how hard to she fought, her body strained toward Jane, knowing only how close it was to the unique pleasure Jane could bring. Tears slid down her cheeks.

"Isn't it what you want?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Jane's body relaxed, melted into Maura's. "Look at me." When she refused, Jane's fingers threaded through her hair and her thumb pushed up Maura's chin.

Their lips were so close, bodies pressed into one another. Green eyes were half-slit, focused on Jane's lips.

"Look at me." Jane ordered again, an uncompromising edge in her voice.

Helpless and defeated, Maura raised her eyes and her stomach immediately plummeted. The hunger in Jane's turbulent gaze was like the firm press of teeth on hypersensitive skin. Body thrumming in acute need and dismay, Maura didn't move, looked at the ground and barely breathed. Time drifted past with Jane's hot breath on her cheek and neck, the heat from her body invading her own. The pounding in Maura's ears and chest intensified, nearly breaking her will. When her taut body began teetering toward capitulation, when surrender seemed imminent, Jane abruptly released Maura and took a few steps backward, fists tightly held against her sides.

"It's never going to happen. No matter how I feel." Jane's pained expression was partially hidden by wayward locks. She endeavored to clear her throat but the hoarseness endured. " Maura, you and I can only be friends."

Body fraught with unsatisfied hunger and the agony of rejection, Maura did not adjust gracefully. The silence lengthened as she attempted to concentrate and regain control. She lifted her face to the breeze, seeking a respite for her flushed skin. By degrees, the unrest abated, enough so Maura's brain began to process what she heard.

The only thing she kept thinking, she voiced. "Why?"

"I don't want a serious relationship."

"What would you call our friendship?"

Jane grabbed air then crouched in frustration. "Damnit, you know what I'm trying to say, Maura!" Putting her fingertips together and bringing them to just underneath her chin, she took a second to proceed. When she was ready to speak, Jane lowered her arms. "I don't want everything that comes with a serious relationship. All the drama and emotional crap is _draining_!"

Inside, Maura was a mess of jumbled things. Thoughts, half-formed and impetuous, whirled around until she felt lightheaded.

"Let me see if I understand you correctly, Jane." Maura paced a few steps, gathering her thoughts. "You don't want to get sexually involved because it would have a preordained negative impact upon our friendship?"

Frustrated beyond her endurance, Jane shouted, "I _like_ my life just as it _is_, Maura."

"And how many women have you had sex with?"

"It's not the simple, _damnit_! It doesn't matter you're the only one."

"Are you saying I was no different than the men in your life?"

Jane gritted her teeth, on the verge of pulling her hair out. "Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?! See this right here is exactly what I'm talking about, Maura, right now. We're standing outside arguing, a freaking sideshow for anyone who walks by."

"Every relationship has a certain amount of drama, Jane."

"Friendships don't. They're easy." Jane loudly exhaled. "And if they're not, you stop being friends."

"If they're worth it, you don't stop, Jane." Maura retorted sharply.

"What do you want from me, Maur? I don't know how else to explain it."

"It sounds like you're making excuses." Maura proceeded to carefully hold Jane's wide shoulders, pulling her near. "How much do you want me?"

It bubbled to the surface, the force that tethered and drew asunder. The distance between them faded although neither moved. Eyes searched in the depths of the other, not exactly knowing what had been lost. Jane was the first to breach the silence.

"Not enough, Maura."

The steeliness of Jane's demeanor, arms crossed and chin up, was so effective, Maura backed off. Despair caused her shoulders to slump. The truth, finally, came to pass. A deep sadness stole over her, heavy and expansive, dulling the sharp edges of her broken pieces. There would be time, later, when Maura was alone, to begin to fit those pieces back together. For the moment, for _this_ moment, she welcomed the vacancy inhabiting her body. Numbness took over again.

"I…understand." Hesitantly Maura licked her bottom lip then tucked it between her teeth. "I appreciate your honesty, Jane."

"Let me take you home, Maur."

"That's not necessary."

Jane sighed heavily, messing up her hair with shaky hands. "I'm not going to let you leave like this, alone—"

"Let me?" Maura said automatically, the vehemence missing from the timbre of her voice. Collected and dispassionate, she continued, "I'm leaving. Without you. I'm sure you'll be able to find a way home. Good night, Jane."

"Be reasonable. Please."

Maura merely looked through her then turned around and walked away. Jane's strident voice followed, but she neither hurried her steps nor slowed them down. The warmth of the breeze wafted through her hair as she turned the corner, Jane's angry cries diminishing into the shadows. She handed the valet the parking voucher, hands no longer trembling. Not one thought of what had taken place a few moments ago entered her head. For all apparent observation, Maura was a woman who simply waited for her vehicle to be brought around after having a meal. No one would have suspected, least of all her, that she had just lost the most important person in her life.

The drive home was concluded free from the snarls and snares often associated with the severance of the ties that bind. Possibly the shock was too great, the body innately defending itself against a vanquishing opponent. Whatever the reason, the absence of wretched tears was a relief. Maura almost felt normal as she exited the car and walked up the brick steps to her front door. A lone cricket chirped in the hushed air, sounding louder than one cricket had the right to be. Maura glanced over her shoulder. The dark green lawn was freshly mowed, drops of water still clinging to the shorn ends from the sprinklers. It was a very pretty and tidy lawn, one she was rather proud to have designed. The tall hedges separating her property from her next door neighbors' were thinning a little as summer was ending. Along the walkway, a dozen or so muted lights illuminated the walkway. It was a quiet neighborhood, a good neighborhood, a place to raise a family and Maura suddenly hated it.

Resentment curled her fingers into fists, nails sinking into tender flesh. She experienced an irrational urge to wrest the purple and pink flowers from their mulched beds. Ugly slithered into her stomach. The longer she stared at the flowers, the same flowers Jane had insisted she buy, the deeper the ugly dove. Maura grabbed the door knob, aiming to put as much space between herself and the cursed blooms but she just couldn't make her other hand insert the key. In the space of a minute, the flowers morphed into a representation of all that was wrong. Bitterness exploded into her muscles, spurring her into action. Heels plunging into the soft grass, she walked to the circular flowerbed around the tree. She plopped down on her knees, heedless of inevitable grass stains on her skirt. One of her shoes slipped off. Angrily she kicked off the other and began to tear up the flowers with a precision worthy of her profession.. Clods of dirt and mulch were haphazardly flung here and there as the clumps of flowers were usurped from their earthen moors.

A neighbor from down the street walked by, hesitating while his dog strained against the leash, highly interested in the objects being tossed in the near vicinity. The man watched Maura, his face scrunched in concern and indecision. She gave him a cursory glance, then returned to the last few blossoms yet safely planted. Rich, damp earth wedged underneath her manicured fingernails and cuticles. Palms stained with pungent soil, the hem of her skirt irrevocably ruined by grass smudges, Maura resumed the mission without a care in the world. The man quietly induced his dog to obey and left, casting one last puzzled look her way before being enveloped in shadows.

When the last flower had been plucked and carelessly thrown, Maura wiped the sweat from her brow and stood. Joints cracking and muscles protesting, she bent to retrieve the dirt-caked heels. She rubbed her nose and surveyed the devastation she wreaked. A strange satisfaction pumped through her veins, spreading throughout her body. Breaths rattled from her chest, escaping her open mouth. For the first time that evening, it felt good to be her.

Maura let herself into the house, locked the door behind her and headed straight for the liquor cabinet in the dining room. The selection of hard alcohol was sparse but adequate. Usually preferring wines, she nonetheless stocked a few bottles of Cognac, single malt scotch and Gentleman Jack. It was a scotch type of night. Carrying the bottle, she went into the kitchen and dropped her shoes somewhere on the tiled floor. Next, she liberated a crystal whiskey glass with a tapering mouth and wide bowl from the rack. She unceremoniously splashed some water into the glass and opened the bottle. It wasn't exactly the 'correct' way to taste the scotch but it was the only way she was going to do it. The neck of the bottle clanged against the rim of the glass as the sound of liquid being poured played in her ears like a sibilant promise. The first drink was about an ounce. Forgoing the customary swirl and sip, Maura downed it. The burn was exactly what she needed.

Leaning over the counter, elbows supporting her weight as she lightly rolled the empty glass between her palms, Maura's mind filled with the night's events. When her memory stuttered over the dinner scene with Mitch, she straightened with a huff and poured another drink. Save for the low drone of kitchen appliances, the kitchen was quiet. Most of the lights were turned off except for the small accent one over the sink. Grabbing the bottle, Maura walked over to the breakfast nook and sat down on the bay window seat. She set down the single malt decisively, not because she was done but because she wasn't. Close by, Jane's muted ringtone emitted from her phone, reaching Maura's ears. She turned her face away. With a quick flick of her wrist, she knocked back the last swirls of her drink and refilled the glass. The initial burn began to subside leaving a dull sensation in her stomach. Another call from Jane and Maura shot out of the seat, bottle and glass in her hands.

All she wanted was distance, as far as possible from the damnable phone. Heeding the impulse, Maura unlocked the French doors that led out to the veranda. The backyard was just as pretty as the front. Her eyes roamed from end to end but little pleasure was derived from surveying the fruit of her labor. She poured another drink then looked up at the sky through the silhouette of tree branches. Stars, faint but visible, dotted the night and she looked upon them without thought. When the strain in her neck became too great, Maura slowly made her way to the patio glider. The large contoured seat could accommodate two adults, a feature Jane had deemed necessary when purchasing patio furniture. The glider no longer held its appeal. Maura downed the scotch in her glass and started to sway unsteadily as she crossed the veranda to sit on one of the lounge chairs. Just as she wiggled into the confines of the cushion, she recalled they had been a birthday gift from Jane.

Maura upended the bottle, swallowing an impressive amount of its contents.


	7. Perception-Part Four

_**Author's Note: Thanks to rizzleslvr72 for her opinions. She came damn close to Beta'ing for me, lol, highlighting in red no less. I'm pretty sure I just gave her a present, like a literary cookie! And she said she'd never Beta for me... **___

Perception Part 4

The phosphorescent lights were suspended from the ceiling by sturdy cables evenly spaced in order to illuminate the entire long, narrow room. A row of five switches was mounted on the wall by the door. Maura flipped them up, one at a time, and watched as the darkness faded. Everything was exactly as she had left it the night before after leaving for the day. Tiredly she leaned against the doorjamb, not quite ready to cross the threshold. It was comforting, the sights and sounds and she took a second to appreciate it. When the familiarity began to seep in, an altogether hostile, contradictory feeling swept it away: it was just another day. No one was going to charge in and light the room up without the benefit of electricity. No one was going to stop by with coffee, makes plans to have dinner with her, or touch her affectionately. Mentally, Maura shook off the melancholy. Irregular humming emitted from the lights as she pushed off from her perch and entered the autopsy room. Just beyond the metal tables, off to the left, was the office door. With even steps, Maura headed that way, going through the day's 'to-do' list embedded in her brain. By rote, she filled the Keurig with a green tea container then put the mug in place. While it percolated, she went about all the other habitual tasks that marked the beginning of a medical examiner's day.

There was nothing to engage her mind, not with all the autopsies performed and paperwork completed. For the last four months she had been a model of efficiency, completely absorbed and slightly obsessed about procedure, training, and organization. Stepping up her game was impressive, given the high level of performance previously obtained. Yet no matter how hard she tried, Maura couldn't fill twenty-four hours. There was always time to think about Jane. Certainly, she had utilized the time spent apart in a productive manner. Since the epic restaurant scene, Maura had implemented several key statewide policy changes, instituted mentor programs for entry level personnel, and decisively allowed her social life to wither like a neglected houseplant. Anything outside of work was an unnecessary distraction.

While the computer booted up, she stowed her purse in the desk's lowest drawer. An empty ceramic mug rolled around on the bottom but Maura ignored it, closing the drawer with a soft click. For whatever reason, for many reasons, she hadn't gotten rid of Jane's coffee mug. Maura planted her elbow, cupping her chin, fingers gently tapping her closed mouth. Various alerts chimed from the computer, announcing start-ups and notifications and other things. Usually the volume was muted but in recent months Maura discovered a fascination with orchestration. In a rather strange way, the digital noise reminded her of a circus and she fiddled with different applications, different alerts so that when the computer went through its startup process, it closely resembled a weird version of carousel music.

Once the computer went silent, Maura heaved herself upward and retrieved the cup of tea. As she sipped, she looked around the room, eyes not seeing the framed photos and certificates, the few keepsakes from her travelling years and regulation furniture. Nothing really registered behind her vacant green eyes. Every day she smiled when called for, spoke when necessary, and executed every responsibility brought forth by her profession. She derived a certain level of comfort from the automatous existence, grateful to have tasks to accomplish that didn't require feelings and emotions.

Absently Maura blew away the strangled wisp of steam rising from her cup. On the agenda for the day was a web-conference with the several key coroners across the state, lunch with a colleague, and a meeting with a district councilor. Notwithstanding, if a suspicious death transpired, an autopsy would take precedence over any meticulous plans she may made.

The familiar tone discharging from her cell phone had the power, months ago, to make her heart leap with anticipation. Now, all she felt was a calm acceptance, an impartiality and her heart sustained its normal rhythm.

"We have a body."

Maura picked up a pen from her desk, asked for the address, then promptly wrote it down on the notepad.

"Maur?"

Resentment flared but the initial spark petered out, denied oxygen. What moniker Jane selected to utilize was of little importance to her.

"Yes?" The small sound of a throat clearing reached across the line but Maura simply waited.

"I thought we could grab lunch today?"

"I'm sorry but I already have plans."

"What about dinner?"

Jane's persistence was a rarity these days. Maura suppressed an inkling of displeasure. The lines were clearly, sharply defined between them and she didn't see a basis to rezone. "Thank you for the invitation but—"

"When, Maura? When will you be available?"

Logically, she couldn't uncover a reason to refuse Jane's request. The truth was all she had. "I don't see the advantage—"

"You don't just don't abandon—"

"Jane, this is counterproductive—"

The phone went dead, transmitting the end of the call. Maura finished her tea then gathered her things. There was a body to collect. Quickly she texted Susie to cancel the conference, consult her Outlook calendar and reschedule it for the next available block of time. At the door, however, a nagging detail pulled at her. Maura grimaced then strode over to her desk and opened the bottom drawer. She picked up Jane's coffee mug then dropped it in the wastebasket on the way out.

The crime scene depicted its customary characteristics. Uniformed officers kept onlookers behind the yellow tape. Lights were flashing. The gathering crowd murmured as they watched. Maura checked her watch. It had taken her twenty minutes to arrive, from the time of Jane's call until she ducked under the perimeter tape. _Not bad considering it's across town, _she thought then scanned the landscape before approaching the body. Jane's unmarked sedan pulled up behind the EMT van and the brunette exited the car, followed by Frost. The sun bounced off the sleek ponytailed tresses. Maura looked away.

When Maura carefully walked around the body she beckoned the crime scene photographer, instructing him to take a few more after consulting which angles he had already covered. She set her field kit nearby then extracted a pair of gloves.

"Been here long?" Jane asked, her hand sweeping the air.

"Hi, Dr. Isles." Frost said then retreated a few inches as he watched the medical examiner inspect the gunshot wound which separated the victim's skull.

"Hello, Barry. How are you?" Maura straightened. "Just arrived."

"Uh, I need to check with the officers first on the scene." Barry announced a bit awkwardly which caused Maura to focus her attention on the detectives.

It didn't take Maura long to figure out Jane had told her partner to give them some privacy. The maneuver was evincing if Barry's sheepish expression and Jane's scowling face were any indicators. Maura increased her defenses, always alert and cautious in Jane's presence.

"Maur, we need to talk."

The medical examiner coolly surveyed Jane, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes, the haggard pallor of her skin. Details noticed but discarded. Whatever was going on with the detective and the physical manifestation of it was explicitly none of Maura's concern. "Do you have a question about a case?"

"No, damnit and you know it." Jane advanced, the space between them too minimal, too invasive.

Maura's heart tripped.

Stopping just shy of touching Maura, Jane loomed. "It doesn't matter what you say, how you treat me, Maura. We need to fix this."

The declaration gave birth to a molecule of anger within Maura. A piece of her was awakening. Under the current circumstances, it was a variation Maura privately rallied against. Previous interactions with this woman had taught her the depths of self-preservation. Unwilling to give the impression of being cowed, Maura lifted her chin and stared boldly into brown eyes that used to captivate her.

"I enjoy our present association, Jane." Her words pricked like a barb but that hadn't been Maura's goal. "We are cordial and professional—"

"Jane." Barry interrupted, reluctance causing his tone to lower. "Some detectives from the 21st are claiming jurisdiction."

Maura smiled warmly. "It's fine, Barry. I'm done here."

The weight loss wasn't more apparent than when she disrobed. Maura's eyes stopped seeing the sharp outline of bone beneath pale, white skin. Each day she went to the gym, ate nutritious meals, took her vitamins, went to bed and popped a few pills to sleep. Anyone looking at her would never suspect her life was anything other than happy, rewarding. The bitter smile distorting her generous lips was brief. In spite of everything that had happened, Maura could not move on, not entirely. The reasons why haunted her. It did not make sense that something so profoundly felt had only been one-sided. A cold shiver prickled her skin as she turned away from the mirror. It was only nine o'clock but she had already turned down the bedspread.

Her eyes travelled down the reflection's length, dispassionate and uncritical. The full breasts that once swelled within the lacy cups of a bra no longer did, forcing her to purchase smaller undergarments. Maura turned slightly, surprised the prominence of her hip and ass had decreased as if overnight. Avoiding the mirror, she shrugged a nearby robe on, tightly tying the sash, again a little startled by the changes in her body. The bedroom lights were dim, launching soft shadows across the cream colored carpet. Maura hugged herself but didn't otherwise move. Her bed was so neatly made, nothing amiss, it was hard for her to imagine the sheets pulled from their moors, the comforter pushed away and pillows tumbling to the floor…but it had happened. Blinking, Maura's thoughts returned to the present.

She clicked off the bathroom's light then scrubbed her head with a dry towel. Wet strands of burnished honey were jostled about like clothes in a dryer as she stepped into the bedroom. Finished with the towel, she picked up the comb on the dresser then sat down on the bed as she untangled her hair. Her movements were mechanical, requiring no thought at all but Maura found her mind roaming. Lotion was applied, the towel put into the laundry bin, and her teeth brushed. Thoughts, random and idle, floated around in her head, none really staying for very long. A quiet dissatisfaction wormed it's way through the newly conceived numbness. It was the only dissention marring a perfectly benign night. The wobbling in her head remained despite the many times she tried to steady it. Too tired and apathetic to uncover the origin of the disturbance, Maura abandoned it and prepared for bed. Before settling in for the evening, she absently checked her phone and was startled to find a text from Jane.

_** "Open the door."**_

__Maura checked the time stamp and her heart fluttered. Dread was like a cold caress along her skin, making her shudder. Her mind went blank while she grappled with what to do. Her body, however, was adamantly taking her across the room and down the stairs. Every step bringing her closer to the front door heightened the anger inside until she was fairly vibrating with it. The sheer arrogance of the detective's action unleashed a firestorm of outrage within Maura. Hands shaking, she nevertheless managed to twist the deadbolt and flipped off the chain, yanking the door open.

Jane didn't wait to be invited inside. She pushed past Maura and went directly to the kitchen which caused Maura no small amount of animosity. After relocking the front door, she strode after Jane, fists at her sides.

The brunette had an elbow over the refrigerator's open door while she leaned in, evidently looking for something. When she didn't find it, Jane straightened and quietly closed the door.

"You don't have any beer." Jane needlessly announced, as if the discovery was a startling revelation.

"Why would I?" Maura's tone was practically glacial, at odds with the fire in her green eyes. There were dozens of thoughts vying for dominance in her mind, a phenomenon which didn't normally fluster her. Jane's unexpected presence, however, shook all of Maura's carefully erected walls, causing her composure to falter.

Jane had the wherewithal to look slightly embarrassed. Her shoulder lifted a little then settled back into place. "Old habit, I guess. Sorry."

"Why are you here, Jane?" Maura nimbly maneuvered around the other woman, targeting the wine.

"I…we need to talk, Maur."

Swiftly, she whirled around, wine glass forgotten as she advanced upon Jane. "_Maura_! My name is Maura. I don't have anything to say to you." When Jane didn't have an immediate reply, Maura resumed opening the wine. "You need to leave." The insolent way she tossed out the order was designed to make a point and to bolster her flagging confidence. Yet, all it took for Maura's control to snap was Jane's hand softly landing between her shoulder blades. "Get the hell out." She snapped, spinning around to face the other woman.

Jane stepped back quickly, her hands raised in a placating gesture. "Maura, just calm down. I told you I wasn't going anywhere."

"I don't give a damn what you say, what you think or what you want but I can be clearer, Jane, since obviously you're experiencing difficulties in comprehension." She pushed up the sleeves of her robe and closed the distance between them with two steps. "You're a self-absorbed, shallow asshole. I don't like you and the thought of being around you makes my skin crawl." Dismissively Maura turned around and faced the counter. Before she could pour the wine, Jane grabbed her wrist and swung her back around.

"Jesus Christ, look who's talking. You walk around like some zombie draggin' a crucifix all over the place!" Jane crowded her against the counter. "You never gave me a chance to tell you a damn thing, Maura. You ran before I could—"

Rolling her eyes, Maura scoffed. "It's been _four months_. If I had been running, I didn't get very far, did I, given the fact you're in my kitchen right now!"

Jane grabbed Maura's shoulders roughly. "Will you just stop it, for one minute? I'm trying to tell you some—"

"The only thing I want to hear from you… " Maura sneered, defiantly glaring into Jane's eyes. "…is goodbye."

"I didn't come here to—"

"What did you come here for, Jane?" Maura hissed. "Is Mitch not up to the task anymore?"

Bent over the counter's edge, hands braced behind her to keep from losing her balance, it suddenly dawned on Maura that Jane's body bore down on hers, their faces inches apart. The atmosphere mutated as their eyes, once locked in an angry battle, glittered with shards of a different kind of passion. A last surge of rage filled Maura. She clenched her teeth, ignoring the hot desperation in her lower body.

"I haven't seen Mitch since that night." Jane whispered, eyes fastening upon Maura's mouth.

Torn and dazed, Maura groped for indignation, for anything to help maintain the chasm separating them. Jane's confession, made in the kitchen's stillness, was all the more devastating for its seductive hesitancy amid their labored breathing.

With as much cruelty as she could muster, Maura taunted, "I'm sure there's a high probability you haven't fucked your way through Boston…yet."

Impervious to Maura's antagonism, Jane's body relaxed, seemed to sink further into Maura's. The intimacy of the position undid Maura in ways she hadn't anticipated, hadn't prepared for because she never once considered Jane would force the issue for so long. As for Jane, she looked stunned.

"I…I can't leave it like this." Jane shook her head slightly. "I miss you."

Maura turned her head away, biting her lower lip as she stared at the floor. Ears thudding with the fast and heavy tempo of her heart, hips and thighs pressed against Jane's, Maura was rapidly losing whatever shred of dignity and self-preservation she possessed. Her traitorous body thrummed with its own knowledge, its own power, blithely disregarding the weak instructions of her brain. Balanced on the razor's edge of self-respect and _need_, Maura waited, more spectator than participant. She tried to call forth one last hateful response, the dagger that would bleed the remnants of love and conclusively end things between them. The words scattered in her brain when their eyes met.

Jane lifted her hand, her fingertips gently tracing down the length of Maura's exposed neck. "You're so…."

Her touch bordered on worshipful, trailing down Maura's sensitive skin, summoning both passion and anger. A reminder and a promise, Jane's caress was the absolute last and first thing Maura wanted to feel. Trapped between the counter and Jane's unrelenting body, Maura held her breath. When she finally exhaled, the relief was short-lived. The action brought attention to her chest, drawing Jane's deference. Heat suffused Maura, until she couldn't think, until she was overwhelmed, thoroughly demoralized. When black eyes returned to green ones, searching and asking, everything Maura had been holding back came to the forefront. Their mouths met, not in tender absolution or love, but in a ferocity of mixed emotions. More punishment than anything else, Maura's tongue plundered as her fingers threaded their way through black tresses, anchoring Jane's head in a painful grip. Whimpering, Jane wedged her thigh between Maura's, her hands pushing aside the folds of Maura's silken robe. Frantic hands slid and palmed across the smooth expanse of Maura's lower back while the cold metal of a belt buckle dug into her stomach.

From a dark and deep place, Maura summoned enough control to tug back Jane's head, breaking their kiss. Lips swollen, eyelids half-lowered, throat revealed Jane was the picture of wanton surrender. The sight hurt in ways so achingly beautiful, Maura felt the impact reverberate throughout her body. She had been rejected by this woman. The anguish and injury of that fact hadn't vanished. It stiffened her spine, partially dispersing the lustful haze shrouding her better judgment. Very deliberately Maura's eyes inspected Jane's face. She tightened her hold of Jane's hair, watching the brunette wince.

"Tell me what you want, Jane." The words sizzled then fell like ashes.

Reflexively, Jane's fingers dug deeper into the flesh of Maura's ass.


End file.
